Friday, October 8, 2010

To the people the with the ruffley undies on

Is anyone else out there sick of all the bitchy whiny cry babies lately?

It's like our world is suddenly full of people whose prozac scripts aren't strong enough or who think the word sneeze is offensive!  I don't claim to be politically correct and I sure as shit don't walk on egg shells around anyone but it's a little out of hand.

I used the term "retarded" today.  *GASP*
No really, I used the term retarded today.  I used it in a manner other than directed apparently because I got jumped on like Lindsay Lohan at a Pharm Party.  In all seriousness, I used the term correctly and in a way that honestly was not offensive...but apparently saying retarded in any form is wrong now.  Actually, to be completely honest, I didn't say retarded I said retard and my sentence was "If you don't stop climbing on and off the cart it's going to retard our progress" meaning "get the hell off the grocery cart so we can hurry and get the out of here".  Not retarded, not rit-ard (for you Hangover fans), but retard as in: to slow down.

For purposes of this blog, I went to look up the definition of the word retarded and get this...Merriam Webster's Dictionary online now states before the definition:  SOMETIMES OFFENSIVE.  I shit you not, look for yourself.

*this is me with my jaw down*

The fucking dictionary now has to tell us if a term can be used in some offensive way at times???  Sweet baby Jesus in a manger!  I can make ANY word offensive if you give me a minute or 2 to think about it.  But it doesn't stop there.  Not only can I offend people by using a word correctly as dictated by the dictionary and decades of it's use in the English language but also by existing, especially in an online manner.  Turns out that more than a few people dislike my blog, dislike my posts, dislike what I have to say and think that I'm out of line about a number of issues that I talk about.  OMG!  She compared her readers to people from that show Hoarders today!  Le Gasp again!  Even beyond that is the fact that no matter who you're talking about in your blog, there's always someone (be it someone you know, another mom blogger, or some random freakhog) who thinks that you might be talking about them.  Did it ever occur to anyone that sometimes we're just talking out our brown eyes and have no real focus to our focus?

Is it too much to ask for people to take their God damn happy pills and fut the shuck up?  This load of freakhogs is bringing me down and pissing all over my 5th amendment Cheerios and I'm gettin' kind of tired of it.

Here's how it is.  I am a big girl and I handle my family and my business with the utmost care and concern.  But I don't care nor am I concerned about people who feel like they get to hold the reigns 'cuz baby, this mare ain't tamed now and never will be.  If I do or say something or handle my shit in a way that steps on your precious little piggies, well then take this old, previously posted, politically atrocious apology of mine and sprinkle it all over your shitty wheats and eat it.

I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings, Barbie! Why don't you just hop on your little pink scooter with the tassles on the handle bars and ride on home to mommy. Eat some cookies and milk and then if you have time before bed, go ahead and dig through your dresser drawers and see if you can't muster up a pair of big girl panties because it seems that you have lost yours somewhere along the way, perhaps in a night of "wooops what was I thinking...that last martini reeeeeeally made that not so attractive white trash goober seem like a catch or at least someone who could get me off these food stamps!"

And once you've found those big girl panties, see if you and your friends can't get together and celebrate your new found independance from having to stick your hackley cackley wicked witch schnoz up my ass hole and tell me what to say or how to do something in the fucking grocery store.  Then come to me and tell me how my not so important blog that's probably only read by a handful of people, made you feel like you were special because you had the crrrrrrazy idea that I give enough of a shit about you to talk about you...and I will, in turn, go ahead and pretend like I'm listening while really planning out what color I really want to paint my toe nails this week and whether or not my new hair streaks should be red, or blonde, or OOOH maybe blue would be fun for a change!

Do you get it yet?  Suck it up.  
No matter who you are, life is not always about you.  Sit down.  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Pop a pill.  Have a drink.  I don't care but dislodge yourself from my back side and focus your focus on your own focus not mine.  Thank you and have a good day.

*this is me taking a bow..................and exiting*

1 comment:

Melissa B. said...

Well, I think you're fan-freaking-tasticly funny. For those who don't, f'em.