So since I'm up and already drinking coffee at 5:50am, why the hell not blog between my pacing from one window to another pissed off that it's too dark to see outside...then coming back to the computer to check up on Reed Timmer's TornadoTV crew who happens to have 2 of their vehicles oh...a few towns away (rarely a good sign unless you're hoping to meet Aunty Em and the Lollipop Guild). I do have to admit this blustery weather makes me want to bust into a round of "And the rain rain rain came down down down, in rushing rising riv'lets...and the river crept out of it's bed, and crept right into Piglet's!" followed immediately by dancing around the house with this awesome grocery store find that my Moose just HAD to have...
"A Heffalump or Woozle is very confuselThe Heffalump or woosel is very sly - sly - sly - sly
They come in ones and twoosels
but if they so choosels
before your eyes you'll see them multiply - ply - ply - ply"
Good luck getting THAT one out of your head today!
So as promised on my Facebook page yesterday, I have been plotting and planning...ok more like it popped into my head yesterday, to blog about my irritation and observations of some of the kid's shows out there.
There are a handful of shows that I love. Wizards of Waverly Place, The Penguins of Madagascar, and Phineas & Ferb are hands down my faves. That being said, there are a few that make me want to start off by poking myself in the eye, then call the writers and ask what the hell they were smoking when they came up with their lame ass ideas, followed by finding them and poking them in the eye. Just cuz.
I guess I will start with Max & Ruby. Ruby & Max. Max & Ruby. Ruby & Max. Max & Ruby. Ruby and her little brother Max. I mean for starters, could there be any less creative thought put into the theme song for this show. Giant eye poke people! GIANT! I know it's a kid's show but come on. Earn the money you got paid for creating the title sequence! To top it off, you can actually go to the Max & Ruby website and download the song. Because wouldn't that make an awesome ring tone!??! And what the hell. Where are their parents? Ruby is young enough to be in Bunny Scouts or whatever the hell she calls it...and she has an adult leader for her group so she's obviously still a kid...albeit a bossy domineering kid.
Why hasn't grandma bunny or someone else called Dept of Child & Family Services on Max & Ruby's parent's yet? They're obviously never around and the kids are home alone all the time. Have their parents ever thought about the psychological damage that is being done to Ruby by having to care for her younger brother while she herself is still a child?? News flash Mr & Mrs Bunny...just because grandma lives right next door does not make it OK to leave kids home alone! Then there's Max...isn't he just a gem. That kid does everything and anything to upset his sister. He plays with loud toys while she's on the phone, he intentionally disobeys her, he's just a little shit!
The hosting channel (Nick Jr.) says that the show "offers an empowering message for children by showing Max and Ruby playing together and resolving their differences in ways that are respectful and supportive." That's funny. From what I've seen, it should say..."the show offers older children a chance to learn how to be bossy and rude while attempting to control younger siblings while teaching young children how to ignore rules and show a lack of respect to your peers."
This takes me to Kai Lan. A show that I thank God every day, my kids don't like.
Why? One of the animals is always throwing a temper tantrum, acting like a baby or pouting. Sorry boys and girls, I know that happens in real life too, but the last thing a mom of 4 needs is a show with cute animals acting that way to encourage kids to do the same. Now, I realize they always resolve their problems, cuz...they got it, they got it they really really do, they got it, they got it, they know just what to do! But trust you mean, watch enough Wonder Pets and tawking wike da duck betomes coo...watch enough whiny animals and risk having whiny kids...thanks but no thanks. Maybe instead of making paper kites and playing with balloons Kai Lan and her friends should go to some self esteem conferences so they learn how to put on their big kid undies and deal with not always getting their way.
Last but not least on my rants for today is Yo Gabba Gabba. What the fuck kind of acid trip inspired crack head show is this?!? There is a fine line between creative and creepy and this show crossed the line somewhere in the dressing room, looooooooooong before ever hitting the stage. I can deal with the evil fanged blue cat thing...and even the pink teletubby resembling pink flower head thing. Hell, I can even deal with the other critter things. But dude. What the shiz is with the orange fuzzy hat, giant glasses and heroin chic skinny dude who's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too excited to be there. Kinda takes me back to the old days of Blue's Clues...ya know...before his way too excited human overdosed on illegal drugs.
Of all the weird shit that happens on this show, I think what disturbs me most is when they eat something and then sing "There's a party in my tummy...SO YUMMY SO YUMMY!" It's not so much the little chant...trust me, you hear it in our house at least 12 times a day.
*Funny side story...when I was pregnant we started calling my little guy Moose, which turned into Mooskers. One day, one of the kids walked by, rubbed my belly and said "You have a Mooskers in your tummy, so funny so funny" I laughed my ass off! Looking back now, I'm glad she didn't say "so yummy so yummy" that might have been creepy.*
Anyway, it's not the chant, its the visual! Kids have awesome imaginations. What do you think some of them think that means? Hmmmm...I'm going to eat this piece of *whatever the hell food*...and then once it's in my tummy, where my stomach acid will quickly eat it away to nothing, it's going to suddenly develop a face and sing along with me?!? Yeah. That's a great way to put kids in therapy!
OK so not all kids understand how digestion works, but still...hormendous amounts of creeponess.
There seems to be little to no sense behind some of these shows. It's like we got so wrapped up in trying to be creative that we've gone off the deep end to straight up bizarre! Don't get me started on Spongebob or what they've done to Cookie Monster. I know there are millions of Spongebob fans out there, I'm uhm...not one of them. There are no pineapples under the sea.
So today, I am thanking God that after we got to watch Handy Manny hit on the chick who runs the hardware store (yeah, you know they've got a thing goin!) our cable went out due to 55 mph winds and I shut off the TV. YAY! Cross your fingers that it's back on by Sons of Anarchy time or mommy might cry.