Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Make Your Panis 3x Bigger!

That's right. I said, "Panis!"
I'm fairly certain that I will be using that word repeatedly and possibly randomly yelling in the days to come.

After 2 years of fighting swollen 3rd eye lids and cloudy mucousy eyes with a barrage of ointments, gels, antibiotics, antihistamines, and drops...we have decided that my fur baby most likely is suffering from the stupid German Buga Dog ailment called PANNUS.  Please note the spelling.

I failed to note the spelling prior to leaving the vet's office.  Thus my sudden understanding of how to enlarge your panis.  To fully understand the panis and all of its possibilities one must be brave and click on the wealth of knowledge before them when googling their way through the webosphere.  OH YES.  I clicked.  I had to!  Morbid curiosity or lack of sleep...call it whatever you want.

As it turns out, depending on what site you hit (and trust me, I was oh so careful of what sites I hit) your panis of different size is either too big, too small, or my favorite...by Skinny52 on forum.bodybuilding.com, "12 inches across, non-stick, and cooks all sorts of food"...now THAT'S a man!  Skinny52 is super clever and further proof that meat heads and proper spelling are 2 things you will, on rare occasions, find on the same forum.

Per Urbandictionary.com a panis is the same thing as a fupa.  Something all us recent baby makin machines have been working hard to P90X the hell off ourselves.  I'll spare you a visual aid for this one.  You can thank me later.

At healthcaremagic.com you can ask a doctor about your "small panis size problam".  Now that's a whole different issue.  I didn't know that around these here parts people had problams!

Wikianswers tells men with a small panis how to please women.

Answerbag.com has info on how to enlarge your small panis.

Are we having fun overusing this word yet?

All this because I didn't grab the sheet with the diagnosis on it, or ask the doc what exactly Pannus is when I was standing there.  We were too busy talking about Flinky!  HAH!  Though if I were a single woman and already aware of this other meaning for the word Panis, I might have used it as a pick up line such as "hey hottie mcvet man...can you uhm...edumacate me about panis?  Perhaps do you have some sort of visual aid for panis?  Is there a panis that you feel I need to examine to understand this further?"  I have officially crossed the line from tired to delirious.

The Pannus that I was looking for (which no bullshit, took 3 separate google searches to find) is also known as keratitis superficialis vasulosa pannosa pigmentosa chronica.  WTF is wrong with me?!?  How could I not have known that?!  I shame myself.  This type of Pannus is a good advertisement for every dog OTHER than German Buga Dogs (also known as German Shepherd Dogs).  It's essentially a sucky disease that rarely effects any breed other than GSD's and causes eventual blindness most times.  There was some talk of new drops, some talk of meds, and some talk of injections in the eye...yikes.  Then there was some talk of a .22 to the back of the skull to which the vet quickly noted this is not a terminal illness which requires putting the dog down.  Good thing too.  I don't own a .22!

God damn Nazi bastards.  Hitler in all his meth-head awesomeness inbred his German dogs of war just a little too freakishly close to one another and BHAM!  69 years later, here I am trying to un-fuck my dog's eyes to no avail.  Le Sigh.  Another day, another drama.  Tomorrow's a new day...and the pup eyes have new drops. It's nothin but mutts for us from here on out (yeah right...I've got my eye on a Malamute pup!).

So today's public service announcement is this:

Pannus does not equal Panis which apparently in some circles DOES equal Penis.  When in doubt, ask a doc, I'm sure they can answer your questions about all of the above.

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