Friday, December 31, 2010

Aunt Becky's Meme...but...Me.

Dear Aunt Becky (uhmmmmmmm if you don't know who she is, get your head out of the can and check out her blog:;

Thank you for rescuing me from a blog post that was sucking me down the dark hole of "what the fuck am I talking about".  Thank you for the giggles in your 2010 Meme and the challenge...I'm up for it.

So check it y'all.  Unlike Aunt Becky I talk about myself all the time.  Call it narcissism, call it undying love for my own awesomeness, don't care what you call it.  But in honor of the end of a crazy wild ride of a year, I am going to snake Aunt Becky's questions, answer them for myself and pray the Moose stays sleeping until I'm done.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND GO!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
It really shouldn't be as hard to come up with this answer as it is.  I swear, it wasn't drugs though you'd never know it by the blank look on my face.  
I bought a bottle of vodka for the first time.  I'm so lame.  
Seriously though, I spent my year with my infant/baby son...something that I had never done (spending time with a baby, that is) and had no intention of doing...until my husband knocked me up...fucker.  Literally.  My year was filled with firsts, and overflowing with joy.  So, with that in mind, how about this:  For the 1st time ever, in 2010, I cleaned up baby hork, baby diarrhea, baby turds, baby spit up, and was peed on more times than most porn stars are in a golden shower special.  

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
It's a silly assumption to make, that I would even remember what my resolution was last year.  I'm fairly certain it was to shed a small child in weight, and if that was it, fuck no...I failed.  Not only did I fail, I failed miserably.  I bought P90X and did it a whole...12 times maybe.  I have been on and off the diet wagon more times than I can count.  
I will make a handful for this next year, starting with my annual January 1st through January 4th diet...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one that is within arm's reach at this moment.  Although I might be able to pass for pregnant if I puff my  belly out real hard...let me try...

Yup.  That was gross!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Shit.  If I say no, and I've forgotten someone dying, I'm the worlds biggest asshole.  
5. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
6. What countries did you visit?
Countries?  Pfffft!  Shit, I was lucky if I got out of Dekalb County!
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:
August 25th.  I've been called Mama for a long time..but hearing my flesh and blood baby boy say "Mama" for the 1st time...magic.
Oh and today, which if my husband doesn't get his ass home soon, will be the day I go to prison for killing him.  Happy New Years Eve!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Well, I quadrupled my work load for my business this year.  That was cool...and time consuming...but fruitful!  
Although I had to push off the release date, I finished my 1st novel...oh and the new release date is scheduled for 3 months from now...I'll give you more details soon.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I fail at nothing.  Shit,
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm a walking disaster when it comes to injury.  Me+walking=broken/torn/pulled something at pretty much any given time.  Though I have handled the reintegration of 4" stilettos into my wardrobe surprisingly well!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well aren't we superficial!  I almost bought 3 new houses this year...then one had a fucking river under it, one had wall failure and flooding problems...and one had a douchetastic bank representing it who was sure that it was worth more than it I avoided that expenditure.  
I bought new jeans a few weeks ago, 2 sizes smaller than the last pair...that totally counts!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband.  His self control keeps me grounded.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? one.  Depression is for the weak.  It's anger without enthusiasm and I scoff at it. you really need to ask?  Crazy is as Crazy does.  
14. Where did most of your money go?
Who knows.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
In case you're boy.  And every stupid little thing he did right down to farting.  
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I have to choose one?  Screw you!  I don't like your rules!
Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"...if you don't live it, you wouldn't get it but it's a sense of pride that I'm thrilled to be instilling in my children.  "I want a pet piggy!"  Yup.  Love it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?  Probably happier because Moose is sleeping better at night...sleep makes me happy!  Oh yeah and I'm not a fucking cow pump, no millking, no moo no mo.
ii. thinner or fatter?  Thinner but not enough to please me
iii. richer or poorer?  Richer on so many levels
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Flipping people the bird...I think I've developed some sort of finger carpul tunnel...
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Uhm, next year?
21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.
I’ll make up my own question because I like to hear myself talk.
Why are you so damn sexy?
Because I'm German
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I thought we were talking about 2010...
23. How many one-night stands?
One Million.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Sons of Anarchy because I said so
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yup.  Fuckin loan guy.  You're a worthless piece of shit.  
26. What was the best book you read?
The most productive book I read this year was The Linked Photographer
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Discovery would imply that some music artist out there actually came up with something new.  That'd be the day.
28. What did you want and get?
An uncountable number of small cheapy notebooks.  I'm  obsessed with little notebooks.  And office supplies.  Saweet!
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Film?  Let's be is a dying thing.  How about movie?  
I don’t remember.
I’m going to make up a new question:
Where are your pants?
I have no idea. Pants are bullshit.  I <3 you Becky!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 and I spent my bday hanging out with my family.  
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I have been advised by my attorney never to say that out loud again...
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Fashion?  Please.  Jeans and wife beaters are a fashion concept right?
34. What kept you sane?
Writing.  Writing.  Oh, and the firing range.  Mmmmmmmm ammo!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I <3 Sarah Palin.  She's a crazy biatch.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Sea Lamprey issue.  Terrible.  Really.
37. Who did you miss?
My Grandma.  All the time.  She was my gossip buddy :(
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My Flinky!  (& Nic hoe!)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Can't fix stupid...not even with duct tape.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
How about one that sums up my philosophy:
Our houses are protected by the Good Lord and a Gun and you might meet em both if you show up here not welcome, son.

5 comments: said...

Hello! I’ve hopped from the 2011 blog hop and landed on your brilliant blog. I've been here for ages now laughing my *@"! off. (maybe the two glasses of cava assisted) Thank you for cheering up my New Year's Eve...Hubby is snoring in bed and the damn neighbours are letting off fireworks...great for insomniacs like me so now I feel better and am your newest follower.
Please drop by and maybe follow me if you fancy a laugh. I'd be delighted to welcome you. I'm not as funny as you though.
Friendly wishes and a very Happy New Year.
Carol from – the blog that gives you laughter lines. (Has that put you off?)

Anonymous said...

That is the best damn post I have read all day! Loved all your answers. Thanks for linking up with Ring in 2011, I am now following you. Have a great new year.

Tammy said...

You're hilarious! Stopping by from the Ring in 2011 Blog Hop! I am your newest follower. Would love to have you stop by and follow back.

Happy New Years from Tammy's Two Cents!

Traci66 said...

Hi I am your newest follower via 2011 blog hop. I would love for you to follow me too.

Happy 2011

Mass Hole Mommy said...

Hi there! I am following from the blog hop~ Nice to meet you!