Monday, December 13, 2010

Ann Marie, Pleased to Meet You

Yeah that's so not me!

Being a crabby bitch is part of my charm.  No, really.  It says so right here on my magnet that my husband bought me at a truck stop somewhere in Iowa...
Awesome isn't it?  He knows me so well...and yet loves me not only in spite of my flaws but because of my flaws.  He must be mad.  I have noticed today that I have a snarky or bitchy comment for almost everything that I see or hear the last few days...yes, this IS different from normal.  Must be this nasty weather putting me in a mood.

Obama Care...yup got a comment for that.

TFB's post about gender neutral raising of children and male feminists...yup got a comment for that (and she's one of my fave bloggers too!)

The school district not closing today and letting kids stand in -15 degree weather at bus stops, you better believe I've got some comments for that.  I hate our district and it's prick of a leader.  *flips the bird in the general direction of Briscoe*  ass.  Not just an ass, an ass who has no questions to any answers at any meeting ever held.  Ignorant ass.
Blogging and how it sucks when you want to blog but have nothing to say...yeah, I know, hell is frozen solid today, I have nothing important to say.

Crazy people.  I always have a comment for them.  And they always give me reasons to keep commenting.  That just proves that they're crazy!  

Celebs.  *giant eye roll*  Guess that's something I can go at today...

While walking through the store the other day with my munchkins, my oldest says, "Do you know who Kendra is?"  I spit out a list of Kendras (Kendra G being my fave! XOXO) that I know and then she points to some celeb slop magazine.  Great.  She means Playboy Bunny Kendra.  I say yes.  She says "How do you know her?"  
"No no no, I don't KNOW her know her I just know who she is,"  I explain.  This is of course followed by "Who is she" to which I answer "She's Kendra"..."What does she do?"..."She's a model"..."I've never seen her in any fashion magazines"..."That's because you only read In Style and Vogue...she's uh...not that kinda model".  So the banter goes back and forth for a while and then ends with "Well...she's a drama queen because she lost her baby and is all crying on magazine covers and you didn't cry in public when TC died...and her husband doesn't even care enough to be there with her..." and my mind trails off to Never  Never Land as I realize that...OMG we've like so totally hit that age!  

It couldn't have been a quick in and out day at the store either and the conversation snow balled into a huge news vs yellow journalism mesh of who's who and who's doing what with who and did ya know, Oprah's dating a woman...?  With a minor in journalism, I despise tabloids.  I would despise them without one, but I despise even more that they can't just claim to be the BSers that they really are.  I couldn't care less about who Zac Effron and his giant caterpillar eyebrows are doing, Kate Gosselin's pathetic attempt to whore it up with big new boobies and a fake tan...take care of your kids ya biatch, Miley hittin a bong (whateves, she didn't even inhale!), or who/what/when/where Oprah is with.  That's right.  Don't care!  Actually, I had to hit People's website to even know that much about what's going on in the celeb world.  I know!  

Lack of motivation to write+lack of sleep+cold winter blahs+babies short nap times=a meaningless rant about stupid stuff that will likely kill brain cells if hovered over for too long.

Funny thoughts.  Go to the People website (or click on the link below)...make sure you take some Ginko or something to make up for the brain cells you're about to kill. 

Kate silly dizzy spoiled bitch on wheels!  

Sarah Palin invited Kate & Crew to Alaska for some kid time and camping, where Kate was caught throwing a temper tantrum worthy of P-Diddy.  Admittedly I don't watch the show...I tried but can't get past her accent.  Apparently that clip aired on Sunday's episode and now I'm totally regretting reading that book instead of sitting in front of the boob tube!
Gosselin was upset by having to learn about bear's Alaska.
Gosselin was upset that she had to try shooting a's ALASKA.
Gosselin was's ALASKA!
Gosselin didn't have access to hand sanitizer or paper towels!  GASP!!!  How can anyone not have those things?!?  Sweet baby Jesus in a there anything that doesn't upset Kate??  

People asks "Would you go camping in the cold with Sarah Palin?"
That's a loaded question.  Really it's multiple questions in one. 
No I would  not go camping.  At all.  Really.  I don't like camping.
No I would not go out in the cold.  I hate cold.
Would I trust that in the cold Sarah Palin in all her Alaskany Wildernessiness could keep me alive in said cold with lions and tigers and bears?  Oh,Yes.
Would I hang out with Sarah Palin in a setting other than cold rainy camping?  Only if she tried really hard to drop the "ooot and abooot" northern accent.  Kidding.  Sort of.  I would love to hang out with her.  I think she's a fire cracker...albeit possibly one a little over loaded on black powder...but I like her.

I hate the cold.  I don't like camping.  You know what I do, I stay my pampered suburban ass in the house!
I DO love shooting and would love to kill a bear, well maybe not personally but definitely have someone kill one for me...I want a bear skin rug with the head still attached and the mouth open like it's going to eat something!  (No, I'm not kidding!)

If you haven't watched the video yet, go back to the link above and watch it now. 
Kate Gosselin.  You suck.  Your kids are brats.  Your husband was so distant from the family that all of America saw your divorce coming a year before you did.  You're a bitch, to your now ex and to your kids, and to the taping crew of your show.  You're not as special as you think you are.  Oh and you sound like a 4 year old whining on that clip.  Get a life.  Lose the show.  Get some counseling and learn to take care of your children.  Thanks for the laugh though!  
"I held it together *sniff* as long as I could *sniff sniff* and *cracking voice* I'm done now."  Throws sandwich down on floor like a child "I'm hungry!" dumb ass...if you're hungry, why'd you throw your sandwich on the ground????  

In other news per People & Yours Truly:'re cute.  He's a dweeb.  A what?  I know, you're young...look it up @ (it's not good).  Find a cute boy!  And one without the word Beiber in his name.  Who TF is this Justin Beiber guy anyway?
Chelsea Lately in bed with 50 Cent.  Lucky bitch!
Rub his abs for me one time, Chels!  I <3 that broad!
Chelsea Handler tried to nix romance rumors after being spotted out with 50 Cent in October.
Elizabeth Hurley?  Shit, I thought she died after that horrible movie with George of the Jungle!  
Mona Lisa...don't care.  
Gwyneth...still needs to eat a burger...

Celebs.  What a joke.  But...something to make ya laugh and go, Damn...I've got it good!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hahah OMG!!! I so watched Sarah Palins show last night and I coulda gone thru the TV just to bitch slap Kate!!! What a snotty bitch! Really Kate? Your kids were having fun! Actually, screw shooting the bear, lets shoot her!!!