Wednesday, November 17, 2010

This year's #1 X-mas gift choice...or NOT!

OH my shit you guys!
While looking for the perfect Christmas gifts online (which includes some doll that I have only a vague kiddie's description of-no name), I have come across something so amazingly creepy that I had to cease all shopping, put today's original post on hold and blog about it IMMEDIATELY (well...not IMMEDIATELY immediately, but as soon as the Moose went down for his nap).

Anatomically correct-ish "Teach-a-body" dolls.  NO!  I'M NOT KIDDING!

I thought at 1st about including this in my post for today which was about Christmas gift shopping anyway...but them I got actually looking at the page and there are no words to describe what went through my mind.  Of course, you know I will do my best to try to put words to it.  If there are children in the room, now would be a good time to chase them out.
I just want to preface this with the fact that I do have at least one friend who would flip her lid and love these and buy them to teach her child sex education with...and quite frankly, that creeps me the hell out.  I love her none the less...but yeah.  I'm not that mom!  I also have to say that these dolls are often sold to child psychiatrists and forensics experts to help identify criminal sexual assault of children.  I am NOT poking fun at that...I am poking fun at the idea of sitting down after dinner and teaching your kids about sex by making dolls go at it on your family room floor.

Lets just start with the home page where it states:
They are ideal for explaining the human reproductive cycle to boys and girls ages 3 to 10. From conception and birth of babies, breastfeeding, sexual education to demonstrating appropriate versus inappropriate touching.
 I have 4 kids.  They range in age from 11 months to 9 years.  When I got pregnant, and the baby questions started popping up, I avoided them like the plague.  Vague answers like "God decided it was time for us to have a baby..."  "Mommys and daddys have seeds and eggs and they make babies...kind of like planting a garden."
That sort of stuff.  #1 I don't think that this age is the time to explain the birds and the bees.  I have no reason to back that up, I just don't.  I think in large part when that is appropriate is determined on family circumstances, children's maturity level, and other such stuff.  Plus uhm...I myself am not ready to have to try to explain that.  I can not for even a freakin second imagine trying to explain reproduction to a 3 year old!  A 3 YEAR OLD!!!  There is a level of interest that is peaked by explaining reproduction and I don't think that age is the time to start that interest...unless you want grandkids at a young age.

Teaching kids about inappropriate touching is super important, but I have to say I think just the statements "No one should touch your privates except you." will suffice.
The page goes on to state:

These dolls include true anatomical details such as stitched on genitals and breasts. This means that children and parents alike will find the dolls true-to-life and see themselves as naturally complete and OK. 
Stitched on genitals...uhmmmmmmmmm...last time I checked, mine aren't stitched on, which raises the question, what exactly constitutes "anatomically correct"?  Wouldn't a stitched on penis lead you to a whole different type of subject?  I would think that molded dolls, not cloth stitched dolls with silk screened on faces, would be more anatomically correct, but...for the sake of not getting off topic, I will leave that be.

They come in a number of races.

The Hispanic family.  Yeah...I'm offended for you.  There is nothing wrong with showing a Hispanic family dressed in matching celebratory attire, but come on, for a company claiming to be all about teaching kids and helping them avoid confusion...this is just a little much.  Dear company...'round here, my Hispanic friends dress pretty much the same as my white friends and African American friends.

Again...the "cultural" clothing is cool, but perhaps should be reserved for the "accessories" dept.

The corn fed white family.  Funny...I've never seen my husband dressed this way...And no way in hell would I wear that outfit...looks like scrubs!  Is that little girl even wearing pants?

The African American family.  I'm jealous of the mom's shoes...why can't the white mom have cool shoes?

The Asian family.  Now, if we're being PC and selling them in 'multicultural' clothing etc, why is the Asian family wearing the same thing as the African American family.  And what's with the dad's long hair?  Is this a lesbian Asian family or is he just trying to be cool like Brandon Lee
Mmmmmmmmmmm...The Crow

Next we come to the extras.
As if it weren't enough that you can get an anatomically pseudo correct mom and dad:
I'm  not real sure about the rules with blogs and showing dolls with here's a smiley face for ya :)
(I'm pretty sure Adam & Eve are rolling over in their graves somewhere)

Now you can also get anatomically correct Grandma & Grandpa:
Thank God they're clothed.  I'm not interested in seeing wrinkley old balls!  

There is also, anatomically correct "Stranger Dolls" which can be used to demonstrate strangers, stepparents, teacher etc.  Because ya know...strangers and stepparents are always built different than real parents...anatomically speaking.
Stranger "Jack" has a 70's porn-star mustache.  Awesome!  And stranger "Jill" has no fashion sense what so ever.  In other words, kids; avoid strangers with mustaches and who look like they need the help of Stacy London.

If you're not already weirded out enough by this whole thing...they also offer you anatomically correct newborns...who nurse.  Yes.  Nurse.  With their tiny little button & snap mouths which attach to mom's tiny button & snap nipples.  I fail to see how this is even CLOSE to anatomically correct.  My child was not born with a button mouth!  Perhaps if he had been, that nursing thing would have worked out better for us...hrm...

In case your family values haven't been hit hard enough by the blatant stereotyped 'multicultural' dolls or the odd button faces or the fact that there are naked dolls on my blog about we hook you up with the "pregnant teen doll":
That's right kids!  Now you can act out your favorite episodes of Teen Mom!  Nothing says "It's ok to get knocked up when you're still a kid yourself!" like the gift of a teen-mom baby doll!

Let's not forget the separate "sex education genitalia set" which includes a vagina, a penis, 2 breasts and a uterus.  A what?  A uterus!  Why not?  I mean, hey!  Let's throw in some internal organs!  I get it, I get it!  If you're teaching sex ed, uteruses...uh...uteri...uter...what the hell is the plural of uterus?  They're important.
This collection *not pictured here cuz it's too creepy* can be found at the top of the order page...
But somehow, this collection of body parts is just too much for me.  This is like a step away from a pedophile sex toy party if you ask me.  Stuffed sex organs intended for kids to play & learn with?  Yeah...creepo factor of like 3000!

That was so good I had to type it all in caps!

To get the full effect you really should read the entire "sex education guide" on the website (found here: but to save time, let me hit on the highlights for you.
Here is one of the roll playing exercises:
Mom and Dad know each other, they fall in love, they love each other so much that they decide to be together to create a family.

The Amamanta doll set can help explain the birth process in an interesting and honest manner.  Below is a sample guide to help discuss the new life process with a youngster. 
  Parent says: "You were created in a very special and wonderful way. Inside mommy’s belly there is an area called the uterus and there are two ovaries that connect to this uterus. Mommy’s ovaries produce ovules and these ovules are like eggs. Daddy’s sperm goes into mommy’s egg and then the egg attaches itself to the side of the uterus. The egg slowly grows for about nine months into a beautiful baby like you."
Child: "What is sperm?"
  Parent: "When mom and dad have sex, they get very close, so close that dad's penis gets into mom's vagina. Then a liquid that dad makes that is called the sperm goes from dad’s penis into mom’s vagina. The sperm reaches the egg and it becomes fertilized, or ready to become a baby. The sperm is a liquid with many, many, tiny spermatozoids and the strongest of these spermatozoids swims faster inside mom's vagina and will reach the egg first… and Abracadabra!… the egg is fertilized."
*raises hand*
Uhm...does that mean...we're supposed to actually use the dolls in the "interactive" way suggested to how that happens?  Like this wasn't weird enough you want the dolls to have sex?  I think my brain just melted.

Once you have shown your children ages 3-9 how dolls have sex...which honestly...blows my mind...and could lead to a whole assortment of questions, dolls talk dirty to eachother?  is mommy doll a screamer?  is there foreplay involved when dolls mate?  just how realistic should this be?  is this a quickie 5 minute lesson or do we have all evening?  what position do dolls do it in? etc, etc.
You can then show them how babies are born.  That's right, through some tricky maneuvering, your mom doll can have it's baby, complete with button mouth so it can nurse on the button nipple.
Thanks for leaving out us c-section moms.  Assholes.
Obviously this mom has only had one child and is young...her rack is quite perky...though those are some wicked circles under her eyes.  She needs to get some sleep!

 The company proudly states that the dolls are
*made out of durable fabric so they will hold up to hours of play.
*made out of natural fibers and flannel synthetics for added softness

Ya know...just in case you want to cuddle your anatomically correct dolls.

The dolls are up to 16" tall and you can even order a book about learning sexuality, "Have fun while teaching your child".
Maybe it's just me.  Maybe it IS a cultural thing...I live in the US where we are less accepting of nude beaches, women who shake their ass and dress like Shakira, and openly talking about sex with young kids.  These are produced in South America.

The company's purpose is:
The mission of Amamanta Family is to help promote the principles of healthy family values across all cultures for a more unified and loving world. The idea is to instill good and healthy principles in kids at an early age.  Amamanta Family helps bring families together through the sheer joy of playing and learning simultaneously.  
Fine.  So you have a good core idea of promoting a more loving world...but I still fail to see how dolls with their junk hanging out will accomplish this.  And I'm sorry, but you lost me on playing and learning simultaneously when you made the dolls anatomically correct and suggested them for kids ages 3-9.

I finally made it through the website and got to the last page and HOLY CRAP...they cost $239.00 for a family set!!!  WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?  $239.00 for dolls with junk and vajayjays?!  Shit!  Can't I just rent a copy of Pretty Woman for $1 at the Redbox, pop it in the DVD player...then answer questions after it's over?!?  The cost of educating our children in a fun and interesting way just keeps getting steeper and steeper!

I really wish they were cheaper and I could rack my brain hard enough to figure out someone to buy these for.  I think they would go down in history as one of the greatest gifts I'd ever given anyone.  At least in my 'disturbed mind'.  If ANY of you actually buy a set of these for yourselves or someone you know...well #1 I would keep it to myself if I were you...but #2, you HAVE to email me and tell me if they're as hysterical and creepy in real life as they are on the internet.

And to answer a question that I have already been asked by a friend who I talked to on the phone they're not the only anatomically correct dolls made...they just walked into my sights because well...the website is so in depth and they're the one I stumbled across.  Needless to say this is not the place to buy Looloo oppsy or whatever the hell doll it is I'm on a mission to find.  Mission NOT complete!


tab said...

wow..........this is I think hands down one of the most disturbed things I have seen before. WTF is wrong with people and who in their right mind would be these dang things for their kids. Absolutely unreal!!!

21st Century D.G. said...

I just noticed that they have no fingers or can they REALLY call them anatomically correct??