Friday, September 2, 2011

Pass the downers, please

The last couple days have been like this in my house:

My little ER trip that resulted in me being put on Prednisone has taken my already bold and fiery attitude and cranked to the level of psycho ninja style.  My son, who at only 21 months old has an attitude to rival mine ANY DAY OF THE WEEK, apparently reacts to Prednisone the same way and guess what...he's on it too.

So we've essentially had a battle of wills between me:

and my son:

Can ya see how this could be tons o fun???  I can't say that he has EVER prior to being on these meds looked at me and screamed "NO!".  He's the most well behaved kid in the world...but holy hell, he's got his sassy pants pulled all the way up to his armpits the last few days and my fuse is just about burnt up.  Thank God today was his last day on the meds and tomorrow is mine.  Stupid bronchitis!  Stupid asthma!

To top off the joy that our house hold has been the last few days, we have also had Moose's new kitten Teller (as in Jax Teller), decide that he REALLY likes to sneak outside. 

  Now, I really thought I had this under control, much to the disliking of my dog...when I opted to just leave the dog door closed all day and let her out only when she pawed at it, but the sneaky little rat fucker...well not literally rat FUCKER...but you out today when I was letting the dog in.  This resulted in me flying across my back yard which is about midcalf high grass (not my fault, it got mowed less than a week ago by my lawn kid), barefoot, stepping in an ant hill, cussing like I have tourettes.  The dog pounced around only resulting in the kitten running faster for the fence line...all the while Moose is standing on the deck yelling, "TELLER!  TELLER NO!!!"

I caught the little shit, quite literally by the tip of his tail as he was squeezing between fence posts at the corner of the yard through 6' high sunflowers.  This resulted in me being both lacerated across my brand new tattoo by his sharp shitty kitten claws, and being showered in little green bugs...

Picture this, 100 (ok probably like 12 but it felt like 100) little green bugs running up and down my head, neck and into my screaming bloody murder more out of frustration than fear of the bugs...holding the kitten by the scruff while ripping off my tshirt and running wildly through my yard toward my house.  At the same time, the 100 lb German Shepard is nipping at my heels for GOD ONLY KNOWS what reason aside from the obvious statement that she must have completely fucking lost her mind.  Moose just stood on the deck jumping up and down yelling "YAY MAMA!  YAY!" which is the only thing that kept me laughing instead of reducing me to uncontrollable tears of rage.

Once in the house, EVERYONE got a time out.  Dog locked out.  Kitten locked in laundry room.  Moose down for nap.  And me...well here I sit venting my day to you all because quite frankly if I keep bottling shit up because of other's requests I'm gonna blow like an a-bomb.

The house is quiet now.  Not for long.  And I'm left to simply sit here and shake my head at how quickly my day fell to pieces of a puzzle that I am not interested in putting back together.  Is it bed time yet?  Thank God tomorrow is another day.  On a side note, we have these leaf bugs hanging around this year, totally awesome.  This is the one from the other day:

 The one last night was less interested in looking cool and more interested in hanging out on my window and would appear, pleasuring himself.  WTF.  This raises a question for me.  Do animals other than humans masterbate?  I mean seriously.  *shakes head*  can't wait to get off this Prednisone.  I want that filter back in my head that says "DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD!" before I end up in a white padded room wearing big red foam squares on my hands to keep me from hurting myself, yelling to my stalker/neighbor in the padded room next door.  At least it would be a nice comfortable place to scream. :)

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