Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Did I just say that!?

I'm amazed at the things I hear come out of my mouth.  Sometimes I stop and think...is that me, did I just say that...holy fuck!

I sat down tonight and laughed at myself.  Things that I say outloud and that go through my head now, would have sent me to a padded room with a nice quiet place to scream 6 years ago.  So I figured I would share my favorites.  In the order of how my day went...

-FUCK go back to sleep.  6 am?!?!  What the fuck.
-Yes you're super cute and mom...MOM...HOLY HELL...MOM...love "mama!  Hi!" but its like 730am
-UHG!  its 730am!  FUCK ME in the goat ass!
-Where are my contacts?  Where are my glasses.  Why is moose wearing my glasses.  That's gonna SO not good for his eyes!
-Why does it smell like shit in my house?
-STFU.  Why are all the animals whining at the same time?  Stupid fucking zoo.  Hey!  Lets get a kitten!  That's a great idea!  *Sarcasm*
-Email bullshit.  Comment bullshit.  Business bullshit.  Can I please have a part time job?  OH wait, I can't.  I raise a baby full time.
-Holy hell...what smells like shit in this house.
-Stupid kitten...I think you smell like shit.
-Would someone PLEASE make me some coffee...oh yeah...that's my job...
-Moose come here, do you smell like shit...
-*raises arm to sniff check*  Do I smell like shit?
- Maybe my nose smells like shit on the inside.

Smelling like shit.  Its a theme here.  A dog, 2 cats, a toddler who is interested but not quite potty trained yet...and my gassy ass...yup.  Take out stock in Febreze people.

The concept of my house, er a house smelling like shit never occurred to me until late.  The concept of owning a house...even further from the reality I thought I'd be part of 6 years ago.  A dream yes, a reality...no.

Looking for a NEW...er used but new to me house...just me and the little man...even FURTHER from reality.

-Really, something smells like shit.  Really...maybe its me *sniff sniff*  no, not me...

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