Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Levels and Definitions of Stupid

Just as I have blogged that there are levels of crazy, there are also levels of stupidity.
Consider this your one stop shopping for how NOT to look like a complete moron.
I will cover each level, the symptoms and signs of it, and of course-how to avoid it.

Let us begin:

The "Durrrrrh"
This person is of above average intelligence and prone to repeated momentary lapse of said intelligence.
Usually these momentary lapses involve things such as misplacing keys, cell phones, or purses/wallets.
Now, we all have these moments but The Durrrrh is separated from normal people by having these moments over, and over, and over, and over.  Admittedly, I fall into this category as I lose my cell phone at least 3 times a day and my keys at least once a day.  Often times a fully functional normal person can slip into The Durrrrh category simply by having a change of life status.  These changes can be as simple as moving to a new home and not having a "place" for everything or as dramatic as taking on multiple children at once for daycare/babysitting/or living with you.  It is possible for a Durrrrh to move back to a normal status, but usually requires some time for them to adjust to their new life status, or for things to go back to their old ways.
The Durrrrh is harmless, and fully aware of the idiocy of their actions.
The only way for a Durrrrh to stop looking stupid is for them to establish a routine that helps them overcome their momentary lapses of intelligence.

The Oblivious
Frequently categorized as Bimbos, the Oblivious is someone of average intelligence who has their head so far up their ass at most times of the day, that it is difficult to imagine how they are able to walk.  Cheerleaders often fall into this category.  Think of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless...yeah that is what The Oblivious appears like.  They are often heard laughing at things and then saying, "Wait....Whaaaaaaat?"
The Oblivious is likely to have no idea what is going on around them, have no idea what people are talking about, or walk right out into traffic.  They are smarter than they appear but they live in their own little world inside of their heads and only venture out of that little world when someone or something grabs their attention. Like a cat, these attention getters are often shiny or sparkley objects.  They can be mesmerized for hours by a diamond or crystal chandelier.
The Oblivious can be spotted in a crowd by the blank stare on their face or by the typical look of a "cod fish" (mouth open, jaw sagging, big eyes shifting listlessly to all going on around them).
The Oblivious is harmless by nature BUT can be quite dangerous behind the wheel of a car (ask my Dad's Mercedes).
The only way for an Oblivious to overcome their idiocy is for them to have their head surgically removed from their hind quarters.  This is a costly operation and quite often, an Oblivious can be found only days after the procedure, locked in their home with their head right back where it was.

The Finger Pointer
Without a doubt, the most irritating of the idiots, the Finger Pointer refuses to accept responsibility for their stupidity and will materialize the most absurd ways to blame others for their actions!
There are 2 levels of Finger Pointer.  The first level are those who are scared to take the blame for their idiocy and thus find ways to blame others-this type is known as the Coward Finger Pointer
These people make mistakes, frequently at work or school and blame anyone that they possibly can.  This type of Finger Pointer will do something like, screw up payroll and blame the employees for it stating they filled their time cards in wrong...or forget to include something in a major presentation and blame the secretary for it, all the while hiding that THEY are truly the ones who messed things up.  Inevitably the Coward Finger Pointer gets caught up in their web of lies and found out.  Unfortunately, all too often, them being realized happens too late for some of their victims.
The second type of Finger Pointer is the type who honestly believe that their idiocy is caused by others...these people also fall into the categories of Koo-Koo-Loolie or BSC.  See levels of crazy post:
This Finger Pointer is referred to as the Crazy Finger Pointer, for reasons that are obvious.
This person will blame others for everything and anything even if it's not something they should be concerned with being blamed themselves for.  Some examples of Crazy Finger Pointing are:
*Missing an important court date and blaming the Circuit Clerk's office, stating they never told them when the court date was...uhm...pick up the phone and call to find out.
*Not being able to control their temper and blaming the person they are lashing out at.  (Admittedly there are times when a person can push another to lashing out...however the Crazy Finger Pointer will lash out at people who have done absolutely nothing).  Often times they will make accusations at other's and then later admit that the accusations are false and they only made those accusations because the other person was bothering them.
*This type of idiot would walk out into traffic and blame the person standing next to them saying something like "Well the guy next to me picked up his foot like he was about to walk out into the street...I was just following him."

The Crazy Finger Pointer is categorized by a FULL failure to accept responsibilities for one's actions.  This type of idiot requires extensive help in the form of counseling, therapy, or a good ass kicking by someone on the receiving end of one of their accusations in order to overcome their idiocy.

The Hopeless
We all know this type.  They exhibit a level of idiocy that leaves us standing in awe and shaking our heads.
The Hopeless make mistakes so epically stupid that most people can not even comprehend them.  Hopeless will look first, see cars coming and yet STILL walk out into traffic.  They lie to a level that touches on clinical, pathological, and/or compulsory.  A Hopeless often prances their friends and family members around as though they are good company to have-No...a recently paroled person is NOT the best person to have standing next to you in court no matter WHAT other's may have told you.  They do incredibly stupid things when drunk or high and then claim to have never done them.  Often times a Hopeless will cross over to the Finger Pointer category and blame others for their stupidity but on a level far more damaging to themselves than that of the Finger Pointer.  The Hopeless will often file false or fraudulent reports believing that they can get away with it, or that they have a right to do so.  They often, mistakenly, believe that they can convince others to believe their lies.  The flaw in this reasoning is that their lies are so over the top ridiculous that their transparency can be likened to Kodachrome.

The Hopeless is quite frankly, beyond help.  Their level of stupidity will often eventually land them in jail or the morgue.  They refuse to open their eyes to the fact that they are far too retarded in their processing to dupe those of even below average intelligence.  Do NOT attempt to help a Hopeless for they are...quite hopeless.


Teresa @ ♥ TOO MANY HEARTBEATS ♥ said...

This is SOOO funny! My husband and middle daughter definitely fall into the Durrrrrrrrh Catagory. They would lose their own heads if they weren't screwed on. They drive me batty. My daughter locks her keys in her car AT LEAST once a week. She is extremely intelligent but sometimes I wonder where in the world her mind is..and she gets it ALL from her father. *sigh* Thanks for the laugh!

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Have a wonderful Mother's Day!


Anonymous said...

Bahaha, I feel very edumacated now on the levels of stupidity. I have probably been each one at some point in my life.

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