I wanted to fill you in on what's the haps 'round here. Some of you know a little about my precious ticker going all wonky on me...some of you don't. So I'll start with that. Note to uhm...people who have beating hearts (which I assume is everyone reading this blog with the exception of 3 of you. HARRRR HARR HAR. What the fuck ever.) if you start having palpitations, limbs going numb, dizziness, and almost blacking out...see a doc. Yup, a doc. No, not bitch about it on FB and do nothing.
So shortly after my separation started, I started having these dizzy spells out of nowhere. I could feel that my blood pressure was high, sometimes my heart raced. I had no idea what it was. NO it was not panic attacks. I knew that much, and I was right. I kept chalking it up to my asthma. It had happened on very rare occasions in the past going back as early as I want to say 2003, but never in such frequency and never this bad.
Sweet berjabers, let me just say, at one point I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Finally I sucked it up after oh ya know, 6 months of dealing with it, and called the doc. I kept track of when it happened, what happened, etc and low and behold it wasn't my damn allergen infested lungs after all!
So they strapped me into a halter monitor.
Holy most annoying shit ever on the planet. 1st off, who wants wires hanging off their chest and side? Not me. Second, you get to carry around this thing that looks like a pager and push a button every time something wonky happens with your heart. Boo. Third, those stupid sticky thingies, yeah they didnt stick to me very well, which resulted in this:
Oh yes. That's duct tape. And pretty duct tape at that! And yes, it hurt like a mofo pulling those 3 bitches off the next day. Last but not least, no showering while you have it on. BOO. I dislike.
So after the monitor and a few other stupid tests, it turns out there's a medical reason for me being wired as fuck all the time, unable to sit still ever, and pretty much always going a million miles per hour. My body over produces adrenaline. Essentially, I'm naturally coked out. The problem is, when there's way too much built up, my brain says "oh shit, time to unload" and dumps it into my system...and guess what, adrenaline release without build up=jacked up shit on your heart. Its funny though because its the opposite chemical response from what a panic attack is. So I'm pretty much incapable of having a panic attack. Sweet. That's comforting in some jacked up way. To make matters worse, the ppd meds I was on were exacerbating ($12 word!) the problem. I got to stop my meds cold turkey and DT which was fun. Fun like being kicked in the crotch.
So while it is something that will happen to me from time to time because at this point its not bad enough to medicate for...being off the meds has pretty much made it stop completely. Aaaaaaaaaaand in shocking news, once the ppd meds were out of my system, I am sooooooo much happier. And here I thought depression meds were supposed to make you uhm...ya know...not depressed. In my world that means happy.
In other news, my divorce is almost finished. PHEW!
It took a long time to realize why this happened and to come to grips with it all but now I see and understand the bigger picture and I couldn't be happier than I am right this minute. :) aww! Warm fuzzy moment on the bitchy blog! <3
My weight loss has plateaued but I'm back on track and have hit the 75# mark. 75 pounds lost! WHOA!
Yeah I'm smokin! Smokin HOT that is! HA.
In other other news, I'm a narcissistic bitch. Or so I've been told over and over the last month. But considering how far I've come physically and emotionally I think it's justified. Wasn't aware that learning to lvoe yourself