Thursday, April 7, 2011

A Real Man...

Lately I've watched 2 of the epic couples that I talk about every now and then, crumble to what resembles a bad soap opera or flash back to high school spats in the hallway between jaded lovers.  My own marriage included.  *GASP!*  Yeah.  Life is rough, blah blah blah, adapt and overcome.  I'll leave it at that.  

As I laid on the couch tonight with tears streaming down my face (yes, the giant mega-biatch does occasionally leak from the eye sockets) NOT for myself but for my son who's truly the one suffering in this current situation...I started thinking about what type of men I want in his life for him to look up to.  

The men who have stepped up already, I have the utmost respect and admiration for.  My father and my sister's friend have both been amazing influences on the Moose.  My dad has spent more time with him in the last month than I can even begin to calculate and the relationship between them is amazing.  My son actually chose to sit with my dad tonight at dinner, not me. Imagine my surprise!  If you know us...then you know that's INSANE!  The kid never leaves my side.  We're connected at the hip.  I would sooner lose my legs than be without him.  The kindness and love shown to Moose by others has truly touched me.  He is a very lucky boy in many respects.

Now for starters, this is not a slam against anyone.  Clearly, I chose to breed; and I chose my mate.

But as life moves on, depending on what path it takes...which seems to change as often as the tides, I will presumably bring into the little Moose's, on some level.  

So I got thinking about what makes a man a man.  On a level beyond that which shady silly immature broads measure a man...
A real man.  This is what I came up far.  I'm sure there is a large list of criteria that no one will be able to meet...but this is a start.

A real man is not measured by the size of his penis.  Partially because a real woman will 1 of 2; not judge him based solely on that and 2 of 2; can work with what she's given, within reason.  A real man is not measured by the size of his heart but by how he uses it.  You can have the biggest kindest heart in the world but if you open it to the wrong people and close off the right ones you are clearly not capable of embracing real love FULLY.  

It's easy to look in the eyes and say "I love you so much!" but to make the actions to show it; well...that's not always easy.  And a real man can, when the time really calls for it, swallow his pride and back up his words with actions to not only say to someone 'you are important to me' but also show them that they are.

A real man is not measured by the number of friends he has but by what type of friends he chooses and the loyalty of those friends.  And loyalty is not earned or shown by instigating fights or stirring shit up; but by backing a friend up quietly and consistently despite the decisions they make.  Loyalty is understanding that sometimes it's easy to say one thing to save face when in reality you're feeling differently; and a true friend can see that, and respects that.  A real man demands respect from his friends, both for himself and on behalf of those he loves.  And when he is not shown the respect that he deserves, he is not timid about lighting the bridge and watching it burn because an empty place to build a clean new bridge is a far safer way to get where you're going than a rickety old bridge rotten and full of holes.

A real man, while not being overly dramatic, is not afraid to show a little emotion now and then.  Choke up.  Let a tear go.  The world won't end.  This is one place I have quite a bit of respect for some men.  And tear filled eyes at just the right time, can mean the world.  And they did.

A real man isn't afraid to say "I need help".  OH. MY. GOD.  Did she just say that?!?  Yes I fucking did.  Man up a little.  It's not going to make your dick shrink!  Trust me.  We ALL need help now and then, in one way or another.  The difference between the strong and the weak is that the strong acknowledge that need and are STRONG enough to ask for it, get it, and better their lives.  While the weak sit sinking ever deeper in their own problems until they feel like they've been under water for 30 years.  Even then, when sitting upon the rocks far far at the bottom (yes that's my poetic way of saying at rock bottom...which isn't just a great bar in the Chicago burbs...) the strong will reach up and take the hand of those reaching out to help them...while the weak will sit, arms crossed and staring straight ahead as they drown.  Sadly, often taken others down with them.  It can be as simple as reading the instructions *gasp* or as complex as seeing a doctor about something you don't want to face...the simple truth is, we all have points...seconds even in our lives, where we get to decide if we will be strong or weak.  Strong does not mean standing on your own when you're clearly standing in the deep end.

The list goes on and on, so much so that my head is spinning at the idea of having to find some sort of critiquing method for choosing who is involved in my son's life and to what extent.  My taste in men, questionable.  Perhaps the Moose would be better off raised solely by women.  

Honestly, no one will ever be good enough in my eyes to be a role model for my little man.  

Mother's Song
a Traditional Lullaby(read by Jennifer Garner)

My heart is like a fountain true
That flows and flows with love to you.
As chirps the lark unto the tree
So chirps my pretty babe to me.

There's not a rose where'er I seek,
As comely as my baby's cheek.
There's not a comb of honey-bee,
So full of sweets as babe to me.

There's not a star that shines on high,
Is brighter than my baby's eye.
There's not a boat upon the sea,
Can dance as baby does to me.

No silk was ever spun so fine
As is the hair of baby mine.
My baby smells more sweet to me
Than smells in spring the elder tree.

A little fish swims in the well,
So in my heart does baby dwell.
A little flower blows on the tree,
My baby is the flower to me.

The Queen has sceptre, crown and ball,
You are my sceptre, crown and all.
For all her robes of royal silk,
More fair your skin, as white as milk.

Ten thousand parks where deer do run,
Ten thousand roses in the sun,
Ten thousand pearls beneath the sea,
My babe more precious is to me.

A real man feels those same emotions for his children.  He holds them close and dear and treasures all the moments this short life has to offer him with them.  

My son is one of the 2 men in my life who are my world.  Living up to my expectations for role model for him...well, some of the greatest men I know have fallen short.  It takes a real man to raise a real man.  Or maybe a real woman to raise a real man, I have no doubt of my ability to raise a strong independent man of honor.  16 months old, he's already making me proud!  He could probably teach most men, a thing or two...


Annie said...

Well Said!

Anonymous said...

"If you're in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight, until your eyes get used to the dark"

"Only where there is disillusionment and depression and sorrow does happiness arise; without the despair of loss, there is no hope"
--by Haruki Murakami

21st Century D.G. said...

Thanks, Anonymous.
Great quotes. Honestly I'm not in a 'pitch blackness' or place of despair...I've chosen to approach this as one would a battle...not against my husband but by his side. Either we can overcome the really quite incredibly small issues at hand together...or we cant but either way this soldier has to continue marching because this war isn't about me or him or us, it's about being strong and making the most of life so that my son can grow up confident, happy, healthy, and with the best that I or we (whichever it may be) can provide for him. If I have to do it without my husband, I'll be just fine and so will my son.

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with this post. I think you are being very superficial and are a very confused, lost soul...You are alone now for a reason...its high time to move on and forget the past. I really used to enjoy your blogs but lately, they are just a drag like all the other ones....

21st Century D.G. said...

You can call me superficial if you want but unless you know me and my husband you really have no room to talk. Love is wild and its hard and its not an a to z. There is no lost soul to me, I am in love with a man in a very hard place in life. There are 2 types of women, those who wilt under stress and those who blossom under it. I will shine through this and I have faith that the love that unless you know us, you can't fathom, will come through this like we have other hardships.

No other broad, no other stress, no other shiny coin can turn his head to the point of leaving forever, that's why we're together today. If you don't read the blog, you don't know...if you already have a good guess of where this story will end.

Call me what you want but it boils down to this: believe in love, true love and embrace it's power...or get off the train. Don't like what I have to say, stop reading. Wanna know the end of the story, come back in a year...we'll see. The only drag is those who believe that real love doesn't exist, I know my love. Right or wrong, it is what it is, no bullshit or temptation will pull it apart. Sorry if that disappoints. Funny it would be an anonymous post. Man (or woman) up. Pussy.

21st Century D.G. said...

Funny too...the address changed...without notice. I could guess who posted the "anonymous" comment. If I'm seriously overestimate your place.