I posted a while back about being separated and how it had hit me that the men in my life, friends, family etc, would play a major roll in my son's upbringing since daddy dearest isn't around much. At that time, I was still hopeful that a reconciliation was coming...uhm...cuz that's what he (stbxh also known as dumbshit who threw away the best thing ever) said. See...I'm not an idiot. I'm street smart and I know when I'm being played...usually. I'm also a sucker for love and well quite frankly, you THINK you know someone.
Here's how it all went down.
Lose baby. Get pregnant. Have baby. Get post pardum stupid depression. Don't realize it. *insert me stating here that one would think since he had been through PPD with his 1st wife...oh I don't know...maybe HE would have recognized it. OH wait! He did, he just never tried to get me help*. At the same time have court shit go down with 1st wife (his clearly, not mine) and bang...we get what has been referred to as "essentially a midlife crisis".
I dunno about you, but when I think midlife crisis, I think this:
When he thinks midlife crisis, apparently he thinks this:
Mmmmm, river horse lovvvvvvvvve
Catty. I know. Would you expect any less? I gotta say though, if I was a guy and I was going to risk a marriage with a woman who did all the laundry, dishes, yard work, cleaning, took care of my kids from my 1st marriage as though they were my own, gave me my only son who I wanted so bad, and kept me more than happy in the bed room, it'd be with some smokin hot chick not a river horse. Guess we don't think alike...maybe thats why our marriage didnt work.
So back to how it went down...he starts going out at night, staying out till 4am or in that neighborhood. Bars close at 1 around here. A so called friend of mine, who's known to be the local drive thru, was having him over to her parents' private bar and her friends houses. Nice. Super classy. Not surprising since infidelity is like her middle name.
I'll never know if he started stripping off her fat suit ...
(ya know, those one piece things old women wear under their clothes to hold all their fat in...yeah she's a huge fan of them, talks about them all the time...even has a favorite brand which I'm guessing is the above cuz I know its a Walmart special) before or after he left home. Frankly, I don't want to know. What I do know is, I asked and asked specifically about HER cuz she ran her mouth too much. He lied. Not surprised, he always said he could be walked in on and would still deny cheating. Just some eww factor to the fact that I was still gettin it on with him while he was gettin it on with the a woman who'd been around the block like Richard Petty goin around Taladega. *shudders* yeah....I'm awaiting STD screening results.
***Here is where I humbly swallow my pride and say to his 1st wife that she was right about a lot of things about him. I didn't want to believe it when she said after a few years he'd get bored, start hitting bars and bang some younger chick from down the road (damn, she called that). I didnt believe that he would do to me what he did to her cuz well...I'm me. Yeah. Clearly, once a cheater always a cheater. So, you know who you are and if you're still stalking me...you were right!***
Now that I'm done gagging down my pride...back to the story.
So we separate, blah blah, months of counseling and "we're working on fixing things" goes by...which now, looking back is far too reminiscent of our high school dating days, minus the counseling of course.
About a month ago, he came clean about the affair. I want to say I was surprised but I wasn't. 2 reasons...#1, he not only didnt have time for me, but also didnt have time to take his week day visitation with our son...his kids are the world to him, and having been the other woman the 1st time around with him, I knew the only thing he would blow his kid off for was someone he was really in love with or someone spreadin' it like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. And #2, when a the WAY a person has sex changes (like the actual physical things they do, especially when its weird shit) there is only one of 2 reasons for it, one is that they are watching a LOT of porn and getting ideas...since he's living in his mom's basement with his 3 kids from his 1st marriage...unlikely. The second reason a person changes how they have sex is if they're having it with someone else and that person is influencing how they do things. I noticed. I noticed in April.
Anyway, it only took 3 days after admitting to the affair and me saying he could take a hike, for him to decide he wanted to be with me, so he claimed to have cut ties with her, pushed off our divorce date, and made a laundry list of things he was going to do to prove to me that I could trust him.
Uhm...note to guys. When you give your wife access to your email account, but not before cleaning out the inbox, don't forget to clean out the SENT BOX TOO!!!
I got to see the cute posts she put up on his facebook page, things like "I love you so fucking much" and about him cooking dinner for her and not being able to sleep without him.
*This is where I point at our so called mutual friends (you know who you are) and say "don't fucking lie and say you didn't know, it was all over his FB page"*
I got to see the pictures of his penis he sent to her phone. Note to Iphone users, your pic messages go through your email...which means they stay in your email sent box. Nice. Guess I should just be glad the pics of his junk that he sent to me werent the same ones he sent to her. We weren't being mass flashed via cell phone, we each got individual attention.
OH and mind you, all this was going on behind her husband's back...oh no wait, she had the balls to tell him about it pretty much up front. She even filed for divorce because her and my hubby were going to run off and have a happy fairytale life together. He despises horses, she has horses. She doesnt want anything to do with kids, he has 4. Clearly you can see they were a match made in heaven. Turns out that chasing after so called unattainable guys is like a game for her. We weren't the 1st couple she got between and I doubt we will be the last. She told me once, before we stopped being friends, that she had slept with 84 guys. Since she's been with her husband pretty much since high school, you do the math on how that works out with being faithful. Once she realized the kids weren't going to be ditched she started changing her mind.
So fast forward 4 ish weeks to now, almost nothing being done by him to prove that he wants to fix things, and definitely nothing to prove I can trust him...although he claims that's cuz his mom won't let him print out his phone records (his phone is in her name) to show me he isn't still talking to the mistress who dresses up like an old time cowboy and shoots balloons with guns (man, how could I NOT have seen how incredibly attractive this chick is, I mean what guy WOULDN'T WANT HER!!)...and I hit the wall last week and realized that my heart will always ache for the man I lost, but he's been gone for a long time. My head took over and I know that not only am I better off without him, my son is better off with us not trying to reconcile. I'm not even going down the why would his mommy not let him print that and why would he let her make life decisions for him like that road.
So fixing things no longer means holding my tongue in hopes of healing a broken marriage...it means moving on. I'm done, I've washed my hands of this whole ugly mess. Hopalong Cassidy can have him if she wants him. I miss my step daughters but such is life. Moose is my only concern. That perfect marriage and incredible love that I bragged about early on in my posting days is done and over and I say fuck it! I've cried all the tears I had to cry and burned as many bridges as I could between me and him and I WILL live my life and be happy from here on out.
So that's the scoop. That's why I wasnt blogging, I had little to say that wouldn't have made you all want to slit your wrists for a while and when I DID want to post it would have been way out of line mean. But I'm back, and I'm bold, and I've found myself again and I'm happy. So look out blog readers, I'm back to my snarky fun self and will be posting regularly again :)
OH And PS...thank you to my husband and his mistress for the stress...I've lost 74 lbs total, dropped 4 dress sizes and feel AMAZING and confident and beautiful thanks to them! I'M BACK, BITCHES!