The Levels & Definitions of Crazy *21st Cent Style*

This post goes out to Drew & Chrissy and the rest of my girls on TB BLF and their awesome BSC's who keep us giggling, rolling our eyes, and sighing on a regular basis.

There are a number of levels of crazy.  I wish I could do visual aids with this post, but I'm sure it would get me in trouble down the line.

I consider myself a bit of an authority on these levels as in years past I have had to deal with people of all sorts of crazy, spanning from your run of the mill "eccentric" type, to the type that leave you counting on your fingers the number of personalities they have.
The levels of crazy are subjective and trying to fit a person into one of these levels can often be quite difficult because crazy is as crazy does and crazy like to change quite frequently!  I will do my best to explain these levels and the proper usage of the terms.  Please...do not attempt to explain to a crazy person, what level of crazy they fit into.  This will likely enrage them and send them into a gorilla-esque chest pounding fury!

Let us begin.

Whackadoo  This term refers to someone acting out of sorts or out of character to a concerning level.  A person acting or being whackadoo has obviously "lost their gourd" or completely checked out of reality.  In a whackadoo's case, this is usually a temporary loss of sanity and will cease as soon as someone steps up to remind the whackadoo of what reality is.
Proper usage of the term Whackadoo:
Someone who snaps temporarily under pressure:
"Did you see her go totally whackadoo and start screaming in court today?!?"
Someone who has inflated their self worth to ridiculous proportions
"He has got to be whackadoo if he thinks he can hit on that cop and not get a ticket."
Someone who threatens others needlessly or with silly meaningless terms:
"That Whackadoo really just said she would beat my greasy head-face in, didn't she!?"


At the whackadoo level, a crazy is almost never a threat.  They may THINK they are a threat, but one of the shining characteristics of a whackadoo is an inflated sense of self worth and occasionally flat out narcissism.  As a result, the only threat they pose is one of offering nasty insults or a rough tongue lashing.

Koo-Koo-Loolie is a term use to describe someone of a general level of insanity, who while likely not harmful to others, can be described as "not right" or "off" to a level beyond that of a normal functioning person.
The term Koo-Koo-Loolie can be used when talking about
Mothers-In-Law:  "Dude, your mother-in-law is koo-koo-loolie if she thinks you're not only going to let her stay with you for a whole 3 weeks this summer, but also cancel all your plans to hang out with her and drive her around everywhere!"
Ex-Lovers/Ex-Spouses:  "Man your ex is a total Koo-koo-loolie!  Does she really believe all those lies she tells?  She actually convinced herself that you got a cop to falsify reports!"
Relatives:  "My aunt is so koo-koo-loolie!  She actually took her dead cat's body and had it stuffed!  It's sitting next to her chair!"
And that 80 something year old lady at the park who talks to her shoes all day.


Please note:  A person who is koo-koo-loolie will likely NOT push you into traffic, but will think about it.  This person will frequently make up lies about themselves and others and in extreme cases, tell the lies so much that they begin to believe them.  A koo-koo-loolie is most likely a coward, but as anyone who watches Criminal Minds knows, it only takes one life changing event to push someone to the next level.  A koo-koo-loolie can quickly fall over the edge so be cautious when dealing with any one who falls into this category.



Bat Shit Crazy (BSC).
There are 2 schools of thought on the origins of the term Bat Shit Crazy.  Some say that the term referred to those who contracted histoplasmosis and are said to have gone "crazy" as a result.  Histoplasmosis is a Tuberculosis type of chronic lung disease which, if left untreated can cause blindness and all sorts of other pleasant things.  Others say that the term stems from the term "bats in the belfry".  If an old church was abandoned, the belfry (area where the large  bell was housed), often became the home to bats.  To say that someone has 'bats in the belfry' is to say that they have nothing going on "upstairs" or in their brain.  According to urbandictionary.com, to say someone is bat shit crazy is to take it a step further and imply that it has been so long since there has been any activity upstairs, that not only are there bats in the belfry but it is also full of bat shit.  Which origin is correct is neither here nor there...in any case...Bat Shit Crazy is not a good thing.

Some people will claim that BSC is the highest level of crazy you can find.  This writer disagrees.
While a person who is Bat Shit Crazy has very little grasp on reality, and is prone to completely psychotic behavior and skitzo thought patterns, they are often self absorbed and as such, unlikely to be a threat for any lengthy period of time.

Bat Shit Crazy is reserved for those who's level of insanity extends FAR beyond the reaches of this universe.  A BSC does not think in a logical manner and their actions often leave normal people staring in awe and wonder with their jaws on the floor.  It is quite frequently impossible to comprehend what would drive a BSC to do the things they do.  There is no rhyme or reason to their actions though to them...there is almost always a purpose.  Do NOT attempt to understand a BSC, it will befuddle you and cause eye twitches.

"That broad is Bat Shit Crazy!" 
Ok that's the only example I've got.


Last but not least is the category of:

Straight up Shirley Mason
One must exercise extreme caution when using this term as it is likely to offend one, if not all, of the personalities belonging to the person of whom you are referring.  Shirley Ardell Mason, also known as Sybil, was one of the first people to be diagnosed with multiple personality disorder/dissociative identity disorder.  Her mother was a schizophrenic who used to peep into neighbors windows at night.  Shirley Mason had as many as 16 identified personalities!  In other words, she was never lonely!  At best Mason was an
extremely suggestible hysteric...I think I know one of those...
So Straight up Shirley Mason, as you can imagine, is something reserved for those who's level of crazy is of the keep the party going type.

SUSMs are prone to blackouts where they remain conscious but have no recollection of events, being your friend one minute "Hey Hon, it's me..." then threatening to kill your significant other the next...then back to being your friend "...but I'm not calling to fight!"
SUSM is a very scary thing to witness.  Often SUSM leaves the other people in the room wondering if THEY'RE all crazy...after all, how can this person seem to be so many people?!

If you encounter a SUSM stay the F away!  There is no winning with them.  There is no reasoning with them.  There is no working as one with them...because you will just have to start over at square one when Victoria disappears and the next personality comes out to play!
SUSMs will often be adamant that events never happened.  They will swear people are making things up and that they would remember, when in reality...they were not here for reality.
"I don't know what she was talking about today in court because she was Straight-up Shirley Mason!"
"I swear she told me she cheated on me but she swears she never said it!  She must have been straight up Shirley Mason!"
"WHOA!  SLOW DOWN THERE SHIRLEY MASON...You can't keep bouncing from nice to psycho on me!"



Now, in no way am I slamming anyone who has a REAL disorder they are seeking help for.  I applaud anyone who is seeking help for doing so.
I'm not a shrinky dink.  I'm not a counselor.  I'm just a girl who can't count on one hand (literally) the number of levels of crazy she has dealt with in her recent past.



Next time around, I will touch on other types of BSC including:

Creepophiles-those people you meet who just KNOW there's a term out there that applies to them that has 'ophile' as the suffix.
Skeezoids-those girls that go waaaaay too far beyond slutty.
and my personal fave McMoochers-those who will do anything and use anyone to get a meal ticket.

OK!!!

So I apologize 1st and foremost for failing my "a day in the life of" post.  The day before yesterday I started it, but I had so much to do.  Then yesterday was wasted in court and at my local Verizon dealer...who by the way, I freakin love!
I know everyone complains about Verizon but honestly-they're great!  I've been with them since they were still Ameritech back in 1999 and as a result, my loyalty is often rewarded with upgrades and freebees and stuff like that.  To say they took care of me yesterday would be an insult to Kevin, the DeKalb, IL Verizon employee who spent forever trying to fix my phone and then getting me a new one and getting it all set up.

See my phone had some issues...well lets go back.  2 weeks ago my Blackberry Storm completely freaked on me, shut down and refused to turn back on.  Awesome!!!  I love it when I have no phone.  Verizon promptly sent a new one out to me because it was still under warranty.  Now when I say new, er rather when THEY say new, what they mean is refurbed and not very well either.  The screen didn't line up and light leaked out all around it, there were a few scratches but as long as it worked, that's all I cared about.  Mine was, after all, almost 9 months old - you could say it was scratched too.

Well the new phone...not much better.  I swear it was the definition of "ghost in the machine".  It would randomly turn the speaker phone on and off during conversations, which could have been embarrassing!  It refused to charge right, saying there was not ample power to charge the unit.  And the browser didn't work right...which meant no middle of the night bumping while I was feeding little man!

So I go to the store with it yesterday after a handful of unsuccessful attempts to fix it with tech support over the phone and Kevin tried to figure out what was wrong with it.  After almost an hour he stated "This phone is just screwed up!"  Hmmm...ya think?!?
Another woman came over and started talking to us asking what was wrong with it. I described the problems and after stating the charging problem I said, "You don't think it not charging would have anything to do with me not paying the electric bill, do you?"
They both stopped dead in their tracks, jaws down, stammering over their words.
I CRACKED UP!  "I'm totally messing with you!"  We all got a huge laugh out of it!  They thought I was serious!!!

So the phone is fixed.  Court is done for the next 3 months.  I'm back to sleeping WONDERFULLY!!!!  It's nice to walk out of the court house feeling like things are looking up rather than being worried stupid all the time.

So I am back to my 'a day in the life' project today, and starting a new photo project today also.
Keep close so you don't miss anything!!!

Till tomorrow...Seacrest OUT!

Lysol

So I freakin HATE Lysol.  The smell makes me ill.  It always seems like I can taste the smell of it long after I encounter it.  If someone walks through a room that has been recently sprayed with Lysol, and then I come in contact with them, I can still smell it.
 equals        (only not in pumpkin form...you get the gist)

So I go grocery shopping today.  Nothing big, but we were out of diapers and decided a 'junk food movie party' was in order this evening...can we just say, I blew my diet in one meal!

I get a text from my hubby that I left just in time.  Code Brown!

Fast forward a few hours, grocery shopping done, dinner & movie in progress...we have another code brown (thank you sweet potatoes).  I took the little man to his room and changed him.  About half way through changing him, I start sniffing.  I don't mean sniff sniff...I mean walking around the room all OCD sniffing everywhere trying to figure out where this horrible smell is coming from.  Then suddenly I could taste it...LYSOL!    *hiss & shy away from the smell*  I yell for my hubby...ask if he sprayed something in the room...he said no. I continue to sniff...and sniff...and sniff...and finally realize my face is inches away from "boy parts" and the smell is insanely strong.

I take the boy, donning a onesie and diaper only out to the family room and say "Dude...its his nutssssssssss!  Did you put something on his nuts?!?"  You would have thought I had 3 heads!!  Then he says "No, but I sprayed the changing pad with Lysol after his code brown."

Forget the why.  I don't know why.  I'm fairly certain he explained it but I was already on my way to the nursery to get the baby bath tub.  I could smell the Lysol all over the baby who had just been laying on the tainted changing pad.  Pad cover=washing machine...baby=bath.

So Lysol smell gone...fresh clean baby with a super cute mohawk sitting by my side and half the movie over...I decided to blog rather than try to catch up on humans/aliens and some planet called 51.
Ack.

I can still taste the Lysol.  I think I need to bathe my mouth.

One of those days...

When you've known your significant other as long as I have, and are as close as we are...you hit a point where you can have an entire conversation without ever opening your mouth.  Last night, the look I shot my hubby when he got home, answered his question, "How was your day?" without me ever saying a word.

So let me tell you how my day was.

It started with an argument with the corp office of my bug spraying company.  (We don't have bugs...I want to keep it that way.  I hate creepy crawlies!)  I called them last week to let them know that my service for this month needed to be in the morning because my afternoons are crazy busy lately.  They scheduled me for a noon-5pm slot.
I get a voicemail on Sunday from the service tech saying he can't make it in the morning and he will be here early afternoon on Monday.  That's great except I WON'T BE HERE!  He didn't leave a number to reach him (even better) so I had to call corp to tell them to hunt him down to tell him that if he was switching it to PM he needed to be here between certain hours.  The guy at corp argued with me that they don't set official times.  Well you should tell the lady in scheduling that!  And that's fine but my kid isn't missing school for the bug guy to come, so I flat out won't be here when its time to take her to school.
He finally agreed to let the tech know.

Next was my trip to the grocery.  Now mind you...we're in the midst of the "4 month wakeful".  Little man is sleeping like crap.  I'm sleeping like crap.  My birth control is wreaking havoc with my hormones and giving me migraines which always seem to hit at night when little man IS sleeping...so I'm running on negative 18.12.6 hours of sleep or some multiple of that!  You could say I'm bitchier than normal (scary, I know!).

I get there and the lot is like...freakin FULL except the handicapped spots which I have enough decency not to park in as I am only handicapped in the unable to function without sleep way...not so much in the walking way (unless you count being a klutz).  Plus don't even get me started on my feelings about non-handicapped people claiming to be handicapped (flash back to the Spring Sing post, anyone?!?)  Oh and total side track...I see that guy all the time in town.  I have never once seen him with a walker, cane, or even a limp and his vehicle does not have a handicapped tag or sticker...but I frequently see him in the middle of the day sitting on the sidewalk with an open case of beer so I'm going with...falling down drunk and hurting yourself does NOT make you handicapped.  Yeah I could be wrong, but TS!

So back to the story.  YES, I park in the "new and expectant mothers" spot anytime I have little man and the rest of my brood with me.  I have only, in 2 years of shopping there, seen one other woman park there with her big ole belly...and regardless, I'm a fairly new mother with a total of 4 kids.  Judge away, I'm not going to stop parking there just yet.  But these spaces were even taken up!!!  Damn.  I'm in a rush to get home before the bug guy's 2pm time slot I gave them...little guy is fussy, now I get to park in no man's land.

So of course, I park like 5 spots away from the new/expectant spot and in the time it takes me to collect my list, collect my money, collect my thoughts & keys and get moving-the spaces between me and that spot have opened up.  Le Sigh!  I get out of the car and see a 200 yr old man sitting in his pick up in the new/expectant mother parking space.  He has a handicapped tag hanging from his mirror.  Never mind that handicapped get closer spaces than mothers (as they SHOULD...no complaints there) but this guy has completely ignored the handicapped spaces and parked in MY spot!!  GRRRR!  Just as I'm getting little man and his 100 lb car seat out, an old woman walks up to the passenger door of the truck.  She literally GLARED at me as I lugged Moose & seat out of the car and grunted.  GLARED...AT ME!!  Like my grunting was irritating her.  It just hit me wrong.

I looked up and smiled and said (super enthusiastically), "Oh my God!  Congratulations!!"

She looked confused and said, "What's that?"
I pointed to the sign and said, "I said Congratulations!  It's not ever day someone your age decides to start a family.  You must be very excited for the stork to come!"

She didn't see any humor in it.  But I did.  I hit the lock button on my car and started for the door.  She turned to me and said "I'm handicapped!"  I looked back and said "And apparently your husband can't read!  Rough life!"

Ok.  Flame me if you want.  It was rude.  I claim she started it by glaring at me.

So groceries done, pulling in the drive way...guess who's there!
  You got it!!  The bug guy!
I get out of my car.  Mentally grumbling that I need time to get the house opened up, the dog locked outside, the groceries in...all of which is going to be rushed or have to wait now...OH and mind you, its 1:36pm.

He actually had the nerve to tell me he'd been waiting for almost 20 minutes.  I raised an eyebrow and just calmly said, "Wow, imagine how long you would have been waiting if I hadn't gotten here until 2pm like this was scheduled for!"

Unlock the door.  Put baby in car seat on floor.  Grab dog and lock her outside.  Rush back to front door.  Pick up baby.  Let bug guy in.  Take baby in car seat to front porch so as not to breathe the spray fumes.  Get groceries...really?  Is there a place for me to bang my head now...or should I wait?

Don't worry.  It gets better.  The story that is, not my day!

On the last bag of groceries, I grabbed little guy and his car seat in my left hand.  Groceries in right.  As I can into the kitchen the grocery bag...plastic...ripped.  NO it couldn't be the bag of bread.  It was the bag of jars of spaghetti sauce!  OH YES!  EFFING AWESOME!  So one hits the ground JUST right...and off pops the lid.  A shower of spaghetti sauce spatters my kitchen.

Floor.
Walls.
CEILING?!?!? SON OF A ...!!!

Wait...I have visual aids!!

It's awesome, isn't it?!?!?

So what do I do?  In my mad rush, with the baby wanting a bottle and the bug guy taking his time and peanut gallerying his way through the house...I clean it up of course!  Which resulted in this:

See those streaks...Yeah... I used Clorox Clean up...WITH BLEACH!!!

This is where I bang my head on the wall.

Deep breaths.  Count to something...

Not working!

What's next, Oh the bug guy is done.  Sweet relief I can at least have my house to myself (well and Moose, and the dog, and the cat, but close enough!)  I had a slew of papers to sign, we cancelled the spray service over winter so I was re-upping my contract with them.  As I'm signing the cancellation agreement, I glance up at the tech who is rambling on a million miles an hour about the terms & services and realize that though he was reciting everything as it should be, he was really focused quite solidly on my cleavage.

Without even thinking twice, I stood up straight, snapped my fingers in his face and said "HEY!  Yes, they're real.  Yes, they're phenomenal.  Yes, if my husband saw you gawking at them, he'd punch you in the face!  FOCUS BUDDY!"  

He wrapped up the paper signing very quickly and without even looking me in the face again!  My floor is also  phenomenal, apparently.

I have to admit that the rest of the day went OK, not great.  A small run in with a bee and some homework troubles.  Nothing we couldn't handle.  So the look my husband got when he asked how my day was...the look of, Don't Even Freakin Ask!  said all that I needed to say and more.  He never did get the fill in on everything...bet he will laugh when he reads this.

Busy Busy Busy!

Life has been NUTS!
*Gigglesnort* Inside joke.

Photo shoots are piling up on top of one another!
Spring is here so the kiddos have tons going on.  Hubby is working more, YAY OVERTIME!
And to top it all off, I'm trying desperately to make time to keep working on boxing stuff up for our big impending move...still not official.

This weekend was full of fun.  Little man decided he LOVES rice cereal....IF it has fruit or juice mixed into it.  It seems like every day he learns how to do something new.  Today he realized he could unhook and kick off the toy bar on his swing.  He spent some time with his "cousin" Caleb this past weekend...their interaction was great!  Caleb was all about grabbing onto Moose who really just wanted to stare at Caleb and keep his distance.

We learned that 3 babies all under 6 months, all screaming at the same time, is a good reason to be glad that we're done having kids!  Yeah it was chaos here for a while!
We also learned that Little man doesn't like sharing his mama!  3 hours of photoshoots in a row was too long for me to be gone from him (even if it was just the other room) especially if I was hanging out with other babies.  Don't worry Moose...you're the only little man for me!

Guess I really have nothing interesting to report.
Here are some pics from this weekend's work:

Its not your kid...its you!

I sat at a restaurant with my 4 kids the other day.  (Oh wait...let me qualify that so stalkers don't get their panties in a bundle...my 3 step kids who I care for 24/7/365 and my son.  3+1=4 whatever.)

So I sat at a restaurant the other day waiting for my husband and my parents to join us; and this lady I didn't know came up to me and told me "Your children are SO well behaved!  I am just so impressed!  Such wonderful young ladies, and such a precious little gentleman!"
I get that alot.  It was actually the 3rd time since Sunday morning, that I have been told that.  As always I beemed and said thank you, and the girls also said thank you (without prompting).  I know how well behaved they are.  But I rarely think about it much.  I'm always a little caught off guard when someone compliments them or us.  I often think 'What?  Did you expect them to dance on the tables and knock over waitresses?'

They're little angels!  I love this pic and totally can see their faces sitting there, praying and playing with bunnies...well, most of the time!

About that time, in walked a young couple.  Probably mid to late 20s, with a little girl, probably around 4.  They sat down and ordered drinks.  They ordered a milk for the little girl who INSTANTLY went into a fit, screaming "I HATE MILK!!!" and get this...POUNDING on the table with her fists!  POUNDING!  I don't honestly know who had a bigger look of shock on their face, the waitress, me or my kids!  The mother immediately said "Ok, Ok sweety!  You don't have to have milk.  What do you want?"

I turned around and went back to what I was doing.  Not another 5 minutes later we hear the father, "Knock it off!  I said...Knock it OFF!"  I looked over my shoulder and saw the little girl laying down on the booth next to her dad and KICKING HIM!  KICKING HIM!! K I C K I N G   H I M!!!  He said knock it off a few times and then went back to his Homes & Lands magazine & margarita and let her continue doing it while he pretended to ignore her.

I shook my head and turned back around again.  My 5 yr old (ever the voice of reason and rarely quiet about her opinions) says "What is wrong with that dad?  He should make that kid behave!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  The 5 year old called it!  I often used to say that kids who behaved like that were the reason I wanted my tubes tied.  When I became a stepmom to 3 kids, I had no idea what all was involved in parenting...my cat had been easy to raise!
My kids are phenomenally behaved...but that wasn't always the case.  It takes a team effort to raise kids the right way; to be respectful of people and things, to be polite, to act appropriately for different types of social situations.  There was no team in the case of my step kids.  There were divided fronts.  Its hard to teach kids to behave when they hear "At mommy's house, there are no rules like at daddy's" or "You don't have to listen to stepmom, she's not your real parent".

It took time and space and patients and a kick ass counselor and a few awesome parenting books to get to where we are now.  But I do have to look at parents like the ones engrossed in their cocktails and failing miserably at not only parenting and teaching thier child how to behave but also failing miserably at making the child feel loved and appreciated because they're ignoring her; and wonder what the hell they're thinking!!

It's not the kids.  Well...I mean it IS the kids but it's not the kids' fault completely.  Parents need to step up and take control again. What happened to pleases and thank yous and sitting like a lady and asking the waitress nicely for more juice rather than just announcing that yours is empty?  Its an embarrassing statement about our generation.

Patooey!

That's the word I expected to see pop up in a though bubble above my son's head lastnight!
Our 1st attempt at rice cereal, as directed by our doctor at our 4 mo check up today...was a major fail in the eating sense, but a big success as far as making memories!
Moose is hungry all the time!  He was up to eating 5-6 oz of formula every 45 minutes to hour and a half!  At night he would go 2 hours between bottles, maybe 3 if he was REALLY sleeping soundly.

You do the math, that's WAY over the recommended 28-36oz/day!  He's not a chunker though!  Only 50th percentile for weight!  He's also on lactose and soy protein free formula (Alimentum) which is freakin expensive!  We were going through a jar of it every 2 days!   Do the math on THAT...that's $320/mo in formula IF I had $5 Similac checks and IF I remember to take them to the store with me.  UGH!  I just felt palpitations thinking about how much we've spent in 4 months on formula!

We started thickening his bottles a week ago with lactose and soy protein free rice cereal (Earth's Best) and he realy likes it.  That bumped his daily feedings to 6 oz every 3 hours and at night we were getting about 4 hours between bottles.  The doc said that its still way too much formula so its time to start feeding solids.  He's obviously hungry.  She said some babies just process formula faster than others.  He must be one of those babies!  So last night we tried rice cereal for the first time...here's how it went:

Daddy carried the little man to the kitchen for his big meal:

Moose definitely wasn't sure if he liked the idea of a spoon in his face:

Daddy fed him the 1st bite:

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd...We HATE it!

I think he would prefer to go straight to steak, maybe baked beans (he seemed to like the little bit of juice from baked beans I gave him yesterday)...OOOH or Doritos!  Yeah...somehow "go ahead and start him on rice cereal" translated in my head to "sure!  Go ahead and rub your finger in the Doritos cheese powder and let him suck on that!"

Such is the life of a mother who refuses to follow the rules.  Guess we'll try the rice cereal again...wonder how that would taste with a swirl of mac & cheese sauce in it....